The Weirdness Continues…

WE MOVED ON from Tokyo to Matsumoto, and from there to Takayama, and it was here that we experienced the weirdness that is a Ryokan.

The Ryokan is a traditional Japanese hostel/dwelling, with all that entails. I was expecting the paper thin rooms, the seating on the floor and lots and lots of ducking to avoid crashing into low ceilings. I even expected the communal bathing, the sleeping on the floor (futons) and more besides. However, what I did not anticipate was the curfew and morning call

If you are out late at night (I think the curfew is 11pm) and don`t make it back in time, you run into a little problem; that is you get locked out of the sodding ryokan. This can prove to be a bit of a challenge when you are out on the lash, sampling the local beers and foods.

Worse still, having stumbled back to the room before the curfew and collapsed (literally) onto the floor into your bed, the next thing you see is a small dainty maid standing over you at 7am in the morning, asking you to get out of your bed so she can put it away in the closet. As you can imagine this leads to all kinds of confusion… still it keeps things interesting.

We hit Kanazawa today and move on to Nara tomorrow, before heading in for another Ryokan stopover in Kyoto… so that gives me two nights to get some feeling and healing into my broken back from spending the last two drunken nights sleeping on the floor. Oh well - small sacrifice for such a great holiday I guess

Tokyo & Beyond

WHO KNEW this was what 4.45AM looked like? I certainly didn`t… but the sadists who run this tour of Japan crafted an early morning start in order to get to the fish markets in time, and who am I to argue? Bastards!!!

We set off on our last day in Tokyo for a few weeks in search of the best sushi in Tokyo, so obviously the place had to be the fish market. Every conceivable type of fish and flesh was on display, being diced, sliced, slapped and chopped into bite sized chunks, ready for the waiting populace.

I don`t think I`ve ever seen so many dismsembered limbs and gushing blood in one viewing that didn`t involve a Wes Craven movie… still, the sushi afterwards was amazing, or so SusiQ reckons anyway. I was still struggling with it being the middle of the sodding night, after a belly full of beer and the thought of raw fish and rice just didn`t do it for me so I opted for the safer veggie option at that point. Yeah I know… wimp!

Then it was time to leave Tokyo behind for a while and grab a train to Matsumoto. It struck me as a sleepy kind of seaside town - which is weird given its inland and in the middle of the Japanese alps, but 30 minutes spent trying to change traveller cheques in a post office yielded an endless supply of people watching and fun. They really are completely odd out here. Still - the new hotel is at least a bit larger, not by much though.

Tomorrow we are off to some other place I can`t pronounce, but I believe there will be limited access to the Internet for a few days, so this will be it until I reach civilisation again. Next stop… ryokan traditional accommodation. Sayonara for now.

Nonsensical…But Somehow It Works

THE WEIRDNESS CONTINUES, but maybe I`m just getting used to it. Yesterday was a hell of trek from Tokyo to Osaka and back in the same day on the Shinkansen (Bullet Train) just to see a Sumo match. It took us a lot of subway mooching, followed by an excruciating hour in navigators hell in Tokyo Station as we tried to figure out a sensible way through it, followed by a three hour journey at 160mhp to Osaka just to see a Sumo match… and then we had to do it all again on the way back, but the experience was well worth the grief.

The Sumo was brilliant and weird at the same time. Great crowd involvement, great Sumo characters and some pretty good action in the individual mathes too. These guys are revered by the Japanese….they are like rock stars here and the fan devotion is pretty intense. Still - six hours spent travelling on a bullet train on the same day gave me some time to think about the experiences to date here in Japan and I`ve come to the following conclusion:-

Nothing here makes any sense… but somehow it manages to work.

Let me explain that a bit more…

1. The nation, as a whole, is apologetic and afraid to make mistakes, yet they excel
2. Japan will copy things and make them better, but it will never embrace anything… so change is not easy as a result, yet somehow it does happen, eventually.
3. You can get a long way here by just pointing at things and smiling; the language barrier is more of a road bump than a barrier
4. Logic plays no part in explaining why things work they way they do here; streets are pristine and clean yet there are no bins
5. Women are either knock-kneed or bow-legged… and cannot walk in high heels, yet they all insist in doing so
6. Men wear suits that don`t fit them, even when they don`t have to
7. Kids wear crazy school uniforms (girls especially; catholic school girl outfit with mini skirt in paticular) all the time, even when not in school and at weekends
8. Japan may be a very safe place, but it`s also a very sterile place as a result

I reckon I will be in for a very odd few weeks here as I try to delve under the skin a bit and see what makes the place tick. So far - so weird, and the outlook is getting weirder by the minute. Still - the food is amazing and the place is alien enough to keep my attention.

Tokyo: First Impressions

WE GOT HERE in one piece, eventually… but it was a long haul indeed. 23 hours after leaving the house at 6am SusiQ and I literally fell into a bed in a hotel in Asakusa district (also known as “Old Tokyo”), completely exhausted. 4 hours later we hit the “old town” for some fantastic nibbles and beer, but that old jet lag was still waiting to knock us around a bit.

The longest part of the trip was the 11.5 hour flight from London to Tokyo; however the investment in travelling premier class with Virgin Atlantic made a hell of a difference. Nice big seats, private cabin and pretty much every kind of entertainment on demand you could think of… still luxury is no substitute for speed and it was still a long flight.

So, now that we have finally made it to Japan, how about those first impressions? Well I guess I`d have to start with weird. Weird in the sense that Narita Airport is one of the cleanest and quietly calm places I think I`ve ever been… and this is supposed to be a busy airport. Then there was the sheer amount of toy soldiers cops mooching around in groups of three, all sporting their new (but oversized) shiny uniforms and pristine white gloves. If it wasn`t for the guns on their side belts I think it would be hard to take these lads seriously.

From weird we move to alien. Alien customs, language and sights. Bowing, lots and lots of polite bowing everywhere you go. Everyone seems to follow every rule here, no one jaywalks or breaks a light, even the kids seems strangely well behaved. Then there are the masks. Lot`s of people out here wear masks in public if they are a) feeling unwell or b) think you might be unwell - it`s to stop the spread of whatever it is they are afraid of. After a few hours of this you begin to suspect that you have in fact stumbled into a sci-fi movie by accident. It`s all a bit unnerving

I also feel like a giant here; everything is so tiny. Tiny hotels with tiny beds and even smaller bathrooms. Tiny sinks in the tiny bathrooms that barely reach my knees. Tiny towels that don`t exactly cover much body area if you get my drift. Tiny showers which require some gymnastics in the morning in order to survive them. Then from alien we move to downright nuts. I`ll give you two simple examples; Bicycles and Bins!!

Tokyo has some great road systems, really good quality roads and well designed intersections which all work as planned. The folks are so well behaved that there seems to be no speeding, no screeching tires, nada by way of near death experiences for a pedestrian - unlike Dublin. There is however one exception… for some unfathomable reason folks on bicycles use the foot paths instead of the roads, leading to and endless amount of collission opportunities for the unwary foreigner. It`s mental and takes a while to get used to.

Then there is the state of the place; absolutely, perfectly pristine. No rubbish on the streets, no discarded trash, beer cans, paper bags etc. This in itself is not amazing until you factor in the little gem that there are no bins on any of the streets to be found. Not one. Trust me, I spent hours carrying an empty can of Coke around trying to be a good citizen, and ended up bringing it back to the hotel. It`s just nuts.

Bottom line - My first impressions of the place are that it`s a weird, alien and insane place - so I should fit in nicely

More dispatches will hopefully follow as we make our way around the country - it depends on access to the Internet.

Year Of Debauchery: Japan, Here We Come!

AT LONG LAST, the holiday is upon us. By the time you read this post I will be winging my way to Tokyo via London. SusiQ and I have been planning and looking forward to this vacation for a couple of years now and I still can’t quite believe it’s finally arrived.

Needless to say updates at the site for the next three weeks or so will be low and slow, although I will do my best to drop in every few days and if possible I’ll even crank out a few posts while I’m on the move over there. I get the feeling there will be enough weirdness in Japan to provide an endless amount of source material for some creative posts.. but we’ll have to wait and see how the land lies when I get there I suppose.

I’ve no idea what kind of Internet access I’ll be facing in some of the more remote locations we are visiting, but I’ll do what I can. In my absence, hopefully some of the other authors here can keep up the tradition of providing entertaining, thoughtful or just completely insane articles for your viewing and reading pleasure.

So, until later… Sayonara!

And Now For Something Completely Different

I’VE BEEN FEELING RATHER UNINSPIRED LATELY, so here’s something with which you can amuse yourself for about three seconds:

COOL PERSON TEST

Have a ball.

The Unreality Cage Match: Bush Vs Allawi

ROLE UP, ROLE UP for the Reality Cage Match. Tickets are limited so get your seat early. This is the cage match of the year folks for the title of ‘Unreality Champion’. This will be a contest of one round, consisting of the most pointless and useless soundbites on the subject of Iraq being thrown about by the two contestants.

As with all cage matches there will only be one winner - and that’s the guy left standing after all the dust settles. We’re seconds away from starting the round folks so please take your seats and get reeeeeeeeady to rummmmmble!!!!

In the Red corner we have the defending champion of unreality, George “Dubya” Bush who prefers to be known by his stage name “el presidente”. Bush comes to this match with a history of incontinence incompetence but the assurance that even if he screws up, Daddy will fix it for him.

Recent history suggests that the defending champion is in terriffic form. His performance in rigging an election was excellent and a real crowd pleaser. His ability to avoid real facts and his inability to complete sentances has really helped him climb up the ranks of the unreal. More recently his absolute lack of management and planning skills led to the cleansing of an entire city, washing away many many problems, for which he received little or no gratitude - but he has not been deterred by this at all. In fact, facts don’t seem to bother this fighter in anyway. This is an attribute we expect will help in his coming cage match.

In the Blue corner we have the challenger Iyad Allawi, former prime minister of and one of Iraq’s most pro-western figures until today. Allawi aka “The Puppet” has a serious fight ahead of him and looks to have been working out recently if his soundbites are anything to go by.

A former Ba’athist, Allawi set up the Iraqi National Accord, which carried out bombings in Saddam Hussein’s Iraq and is today an active political party - so we know he has the moxy to get the job done in a fight. In the lead up to the 2003 invasion of Iraq the INA provided intelligence about alleged weapons of mass destruction to MI6 - demonstrating he is a cunning competitor. Lastly, he survived an assassination attempt on 20th of April 2005 - so we know he’s hungry for some payback.

Seconds away… Round One… Read more