George Bush Question Time With Kids (humour)

HERE’S A LITTLE HUMOUR to get the week off to a good start…

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. “Stanley,” responds the little  boy. “And what is your question, Stanley?” asks ol’ Dubya.

“I have 4 questions” the kid responds.

“First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?”
“Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?”
“Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
“Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?”

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right question time. Who has a question?”

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.  “Steve” the kid responds. “And what is your question, Steve?” el presidente asks.

“Actually, I have 6 questions” the kid responds.

“First, why did  the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?”
“Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?”
“Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
“Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?”
“Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?”
“And sixth, what happened to Stanley?”

Some Americans Too Fat to X-Ray?

ACCORDING TO AN article in the Ireland On Sunday newspaper this weekend, things are going from bad to worse in America, where the latest hospital research indicates that more and more American patients are actually too fat to be x-rayed.

This trend has been recently highlighted in the US Journal of Radiology. Boston radiologist Dr. Raul Uppot is quoted as saying “We noticed that obesity was playing a role in our ability to see x-ray images clearly”.

The issue is two fold. On the one hand some patients are too fat to actually fit into the x-ray machines in the first place. On the other hand, some are so fat that even if an x-ray is performed, their fattyness is so dense that bone x-rays cannot be taken.

No doubt the initial reaction will be to make bigger x-ray scanning systems to accommodate the whale-like patients, however that isn’t going to rectify the issue of not being able actually penetrate the damn fatty tissue enough to see a good bone image.

The world is indeed a weird place.

Sssh! Don’t You Know Spying Is A State Secret?

I CAN’T SAY I’m particularly surprised that a US court has dismissed a lawsuit against AT&T brought by the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) alleging that the telco handed over citizen’s phone records to US spy agencies without adequate authorisiation. It was a long shot at best that some actual, you know, democracy might get a chance to play in the quasi-fascist equation of a nation that Bush & Co. are trying the best to create.

In rendering his decision the judge declared “The court is persuaded that requiring AT&T to confirm or deny whether it has disclosed large quantities of telephone records to the federal government could give adversaries of this country valuable insight into the government’s intelligence activities”.

So that’s ok then isn’t it?

The Court is trusting the judgement of the Government over the insignificant requirement of the people. I mean, it’s not like the Governement would lie or anything right? It’s not like the country was sent to war on a falsehood is it? I mean, Bush & Co. wouldn’t stoop to misleading an entire nation into a catastrophic war for commercial reasons right?

Right?

Sssh! There is nothing to see here, move along…

Dutch Game Addiction Clinic Overwhelmed!

NOT THAT LONG AGO I wrote an small piece on how a Dutch gaming addiction clinic was opening it’s doors to treat Europeans for all kinds of gaming addictions. Well, this latest report suggests the buggers are actually overwhelmed with business since they opened, and in particular cites the cries of help from worried parents about their wayward gaming offspring who might just love their joysticks a little too much.

I have to be honest here… it still sounds like a whole load of horseshit to me, but then I suppose there are always those kinds of people who just can’t seem to get themselves sorted, and need someone else to point them at the blindingly obvious conclusions. It seems to me that people these days just have it far too easy and half their ‘problems’ are just silly. I mean come on, sex addiction anyone?

Anyhoo - back to the joystick lovers. The clinic seems to have a range of unusual treatments to help ‘cure’ gamers, including parachuting, meditation, fitness training and group therapy. At least it sounds better than the Chinese approach to curing errant gamers, particularly as it doesn’t involve wiring up your genitals.

So - if you’re worried that you might be a gaming addict, or if you think your [insert appropriate title] might be addicted to gaming, why not contact these good folks over in Amsterdamn who will be only too happy to take some money off you and do all kinds of funky things to ‘cure’ those poor unfortunates who just don’t know when to quit?

And sure - if it doesn’t work first time around, send ‘em back again and again until it does, or until you run out of money. Addictive behaviour anyone? Feeling cured yet?

Thought so.

Court Declares Anti-War Protestors “Not Guilty”

VICTORY IS IN THE AIR, at least it is for the Irish anti-war protestors who just received their “Not Guilty” judgement in court in Dublin today. The five concerned protestors (Dierdre Clancy, Karen Fallon, Nuin Dunlop, Damien Moran and Ciaron O’Reilly) were up on charges of causing damage to an American US Navy transport jet at Shannon airport back in February 2003.

They basically took a hammer or two to the jet and somehow managed to cause (according to the Boeing 737’s owners) up to $2M worth of damage to it. They protestors claimed that they were protesting America’s war in Iraq and the use of Irish facilities to service a combatant’s aircraft. The Court agreed with ‘em and and found them ‘not guilty’.

I have to say that I’m surprised by the result, but I’m also delighted. Irish justice has never been more insane or delightful!

There hasn’t been any official word from the Pentagon as yet, but I’m sure the bombers of peace are already in the air heading our way

You Can’t Sing Your Way Outta This One George!

LAST TIME he was caught doing something in public that he shouldn’t have been, George Michael made a song (and snappy video) out of the incident and shook the whole thing off. That was 1998. Since then he’s been a bit more careful about his liaisons, however the whole thing has just fallen apart again. This time he’s been caught doing the dirty in a London park!

After he emerged from the bushes in Hampstead Heath park and ran slap into a photographer (who naturally enough snapped away with the piccies) George ranted and raved about his plight, threatened to sue and all the usual stuff. Bottom line (no pun intended) is that he had been cruising for a few hours looking for some action and eventually hooked up with a 58 year old unemployed van driver for some fun and games in the bushes. Not exactly Hollywood style is it?

He was also caught earlier this year slumped at the wheel of his car near London’s Hyde Park. Cops found a quantity of drugs in the vehicle. A few weeks later, he crashed his car into another after reportedly falling asleep at the wheel.

Did the newspaper photographer follow him to the park in the hopes of a nifty photo or two? Was it all a setup? To be honest I don’t know, and at this point I don’t care. It’s all getting a bit old george… 58 years old to be exact! Euuuuch!

G’wan then George, make a snazzy video out of that mental image why don’t ya!

It’s A Comic You Moron! Stop Thinking, Start Reading!

AFTER POLITELY sitting through academic presentations about Superman’s ties to colonial expansion and 17th-century conceptions of idealism, the middle-aged man sitting in the front row of a room at Comic-Con International finally had enough. So opens a crazy article entitled “Up, up and away, indeed” over at Wired.com about the academic study of comics.

Let me say that again for those of you who may have missed that. The academic study of comics!

How the hell could anyone take that seriously? I mean brain surgery… yeah I can see that. Rocket scientist? Yup, makes sense. Jaysus even accountant, lawyer and - god help us - computer heads need academic qualifications… but wtf is up with analysing comics as a course of study? It’s a sodding form of escapism, entertainment and well fun. Nothing more and nothing less.

Why does everyone feel the need to over think things these days?

The best quote however is from Comic conference co-founder Peter Coogan who acknowledged that academia can be a bit of a killjoy. “You have this dog and you love it, and you want to find out why you love it. You dissect it, and you’re left with this dead bloody dog on the table,” he said. “That’s one of the things that academics do.”

I couldn’t have put it better myself