Are These The Actual Options For Famous Guinness Dublin Brewery?

USUALLY IT’S A CASE of the public sampling Guinness, on a fairly regular basis it has to be said, but this evening I took part in a survey – completely by coincidence – where Guinness were sampling their customer base in advance of potentially huge changes for the ailing company.

Things have not been going well for Guinness in recent years. I used to work there, up until 2001, and even then market share was dropping with alarming regularity. Although overall share prices are on the up for Diageo – the parent company – the Guinness brand is in trouble. Drink driving legislation, take home trade market growth and more ‘fashionable and younger’ drinks are all taking their toll on the old diehard brand.

Guinness of course have attempted to fight back with clever marketing campaigns and adverts, with new products and options for the younger and more discerning drinker (Guinness Red anyone?… Meh!), hell they’ve even developed some “Surge” technology to enable the ‘perfect pint’,  but none of it seems to be making that much difference to the downward slide in performance.

Even when I was working there the rumours of the Brits closing down the St. James Gate brewery were always a regular topic of conversation at the lunch table, or indeed over a pint or two. Up to now it’s been speculation, but more recently this particular rumour seems to have gathered some speed and momentum. Back in June this year Diageo confirmed they were looking at options, but remained elusive on what those options actually were. 

The survey I completed online tonight kind of reinforces (for me anyway) the idea that the Diageo management team are serious about taking a long hard look at their options for the home of Guinness this time around, and in particular they seemed to have refined said options down to just a few fairly key ones.

So, what variations are they looking at then? Well, you might be surpsied to know that there are four distinct options on the menu – according to the survey anyway -as follows:- Read more

The Legal Christmas Greeting

I KNOW IT’S a bit early for this, but I couldn’t resist

Many thanks to SusiQ for sending this on. I guess even the legal profession deserve a christmas card every now and then, however I’m not sure I’d actually want to receive one from my solicitor if it’s anything like this…

From us (“the wishors”) to you (“hereinafter called the wishee”):

Please accept without obligation, explicit or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practice of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions.

Please also accept, under aforesaid waiver of obligation on your part, our best wishes for a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of this calendar year of the Common Era, but with due respect for the calendars of all cultures or sects, and for the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you acknowledge that: Read more

I’ll Bet You Didn’t Think Taiwan Was The Ideal Place To Work…

… BUT JUDGING by this latest story to hit the news I reckon you might just be wrong.

Let’s be honest, most of the time work is a pain in the arse; we do it because we need the cash, in order to have a life of any sort. It’s either than or rob banks for a living isn’t it?

And of course because our wonderful companies are so ‘people’ focused these days they invariably force these ‘days’ down our throats, and we – like good lemmings – are expected to play along. You know the sort of thing I’m talking about right? The Bring-Your-Kids-To-Work day or the Theme-Dress day or even the gawd aweful ‘awareness’ days that seem to be growing in popularity of late.

Most of the time it’s just safer to be somewhere else when all this people-focused stuff is going on. Let’s face it, Human Remains Relations are not usually the type to have their finger on the pulse of the workers; they’re usually too busy trying to shaft them out of something instead.

But, I can finally report that one company, an underwear company no less, has managed to completely revamp my views. In celebration of their huge sales of late Audrey Underwear decided to have a, wait for it… Camisole Day.

Yup. You guessed it. Their female employees were encouraged to come into work on Camisole Day, wearing nothing but their camisoles and knickers. Of the 500 women employed by the company up to 90% of them responded by doing exactly that.

The men who worked there were pretty much in heaven for the day, some on the verge of a heart attack by the time the day was out. Some of the women had been dieting and exercising for weeks in advance, just for the occasion.

Huang Bihui, PR manager of the company, explained: “We introduced eight new camisoles into market and sold more than 20,000 in less than two months so we named the 21st [of November] as Camisole Day.” and employment lawyers said there was nothing illegal in the move so long as it was voluntary.

We would never be that lucky would we?

Crysis Outstanding Gaming Moment

GOOD GAMES are easy to come by these days, given the growth of the industry, the improvements in production quality and general focus on pushing the envelope again and again to keep pace with technology. Great games however are few and far between, and even when a great game is produced it doesn’t guarantee anything from its audience. Ultimately the success or failure of the game is driven not just by the sales performance but also by the cult status it achieves amongst gamers and the level and intensity of discussions it promotes online. Typically a really excellent game will have an outstanding gaming moment, hidden somewhere within it.

I have just experienced one of those outstanding ‘gaming moments’ in playing Crysis, a moment which – for me – has justified my investment in this game, because up to this point I was beginning to loose the faith and this game was falling into the category of so many other games before it; good, entertaining but nothing “that special“.

Before I tell you about this let me first clarify a few things. For starters, if you have not played this game, or you don’t want to have any information which may spoil your gameplaying experience – then don’t read any further, because in order to explain what happened I’m going to have to get into the details. In other words… SPOILER ALERT!

So what makes an outstanding ‘gaming moment’ for me? Well, it’s those elusive occasions when you’re playing a game and the combination of all elements of that game come together into something – an event, a challenge, a scene – some unique occurance that just causes your jaw to drop. It is generally accompanied by uncontrollable expletives like ‘Fuck me!’ or “You clever, clever bastards“, and it inevitably ends in a huge appreciative grin on behalf of the player for the game designers and developers, for it was their ingenuity and forethought which crafted this moment, this special unique thing within the game in question.

It doesn’t happen very often, so when it does it’s worthy of mention. Read more

The Male Versus Female ATM Experience

Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.

Male Procedure

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

Read more

It’s Official, I’m Creeped Out By This Latest Technology

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, but if I met either one of these freakin’ things in the street at night – hell even in broad daylight – I’d be heading the other direction as fast as my tired old legs could carry me.

This first abomination is apparently what the Georgian riot police use these days to inflict peace on protestors. Once you get over the crazy Mickey Mouse resemblence the fear kicks in.

I have to admit it looks to me like some sort of melted drug hazed storm trooper from hell, but it does the trick. If inflicting terror is part of the psi-war being fought then full marks for this one because it’s creepy as hell.

Actually I’m not sure which is scarier – the riot helmet from hell or the size of that gun these lads are carrying.

Still, not to be outdone by the Georgians, the Brits are now testing a new helmut for their advanced F-35 Joint Strike Fighter pilots down in Wiltshire.

Those green eyes are mad enough, but it seems this puppy will also allow pilots to basically look through their planes.

According to the MOD blurb “This Helmet Mounted Display System provides the pilot with cues for flying, navigating and fighting the aircraft. It will even superimpose infra-red imagery onto the visor which allows the pilot to ‘look through’ the cockpit floor at night and see the world below”.

This is the future, it seems. And it’s not happening sometime ‘in the future’, it’s already here!

Scared yet?

PC In A Tree Concept Wins Dyson Design Award

I JUST THOUGHT it was worth giving a quick mention to the latest invention from a student in Dublin. The Dyson design award has been picked up by Laura Caulwell, a 22 year old graduate of the National College of Art and Design (NCAD), for her tree shaped PC that allows users to upgrade parts of the computer separately.

Caulwell, who was awarded €2,000 after scooping the top prize, will now go on to represent Ireland at the prestigious International James Dyson Award held in January 2008. She calls her new PC invention the “Cultivate”.

Shaped as a tree, the “Cultivate” allows each part of the computer to be upgraded separately so that as a user’s needs change, the tree grows. The trunk of the tree houses the motherboard, while 10 branches also hold the central processor, RAM, battery, power supply, expansion cards, storage, two speakers, an ambient light, and a mouse. Any of these components can be “plucked” from the tree and sent back to the supplier for upgrade, recycling or remanufacture.

Pretty clever isn’t it?

The Cultivate computer tree also features silver aluminum “leaves” which act as external heatsinks, cooling down each component. They are attached by the user, and can be bent and curled into all manner of shapes so not only is it functional but you can tailor your own PC to suit your astethic tastes. Well done Laura, and good luck in the International competition!