THE PLAN is badly executed, cynical and not worth your time or money…

I’m a huge Battlestar Galactica (BSG) fan, in particular the now infamous modern take on the series. Granted it had some dodgy moments, but overall it was (and remains) a wonderfully realistic and gritty take on a old sci-fi story with great twists and deep pockets when it came to special effects. I really enjoyed the series and even though I wasn’t particularly happy with the ending, I could deal with it. After all it had killer robots, babes, space-based dogfights, religious overtones, death and destruction and a continuing sense of menace each week. Still, all good things come to an end and the show finished over a year ago.

Since then I believe there is a movie and even a mini-series in the works, mostly due to the potential commercial opportunities to rake in some cash I’d imagine rather than any real artistic need to tell another BSG story, but out of the blue I came across this entity – Battlestar Galactica: The Plan, which proported to tell the entire series again, only this time from the Cylon perspective.

Interesting? Might be worth a look, I thought.

I was wrong; dead wrong. This is quite simply some of the worst shit I’ve seen cobbled together in a long time. There is no new insight or deeper understanding of what the Cylons were up to, no real difference in the story arc or plot that took place in the main series and certainly no reason for anyone to part with hard cash to watch it.

It’s a very cynical piece of exploitation, trying to cash in on the name and fame of the series and I strongly urge you to avoid it at all costs. There is nothing new here other than to re-tell the exact same story through the eyes of the “1″ series Cylon model, who promptly spends the 2 hours organising the other Cylon models to do whatever they can to kill off humanity right up to the point of the truce that breaks out between them. And that’s it. Honestly.

At the end of two hours I was left with an intense feeling of ’so what’?, and if you manage to watch this you too will wonder why the hell you bothered. It’s a shame really because the series itself was fantastic for the most part. I hope the upcoming mini-series and movie don’t drive a bigger set of nails into the coffin… but I guess we will just have to wait and see on that score.

This really is  a cynical piece of commercial exploitation which fails to hit the target at almost every opportunity… avoid at all costs.

Technorati Tags: Battlestar, Battlestar Galactica, Cylon, Cylons, Galactica, Review, The Plan

WANTED finally hit the screens here a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been meaning to post a quick review, but I got distracted by a minor disaster  for a while. Actually, distracted is a good way of summarising my thoughts on this movie because the combination of bending bullets, slow motion fights, sexy assassins and hard rock music is actually good, so good that it distracts you from the complete lack of any credible plot.

And – just to clarify – I’m not going to do my usual thorough review of the film. It really doesn’t deserve that much effort, so I’m just going to let the stream of conciousness take over and see where the words fall.

To be fair Wanted is really a summer popcorn flick, the kind of movie that you know going in you will probably enjoy as long as you don’t take it too seriously. I mean it’s not art by any stretch of the imagination, but it is an enjoyable romp which the lads in the audience will have some fun with because Angelina Jolie really does sparkle in this film.

Not as an actress you understand – her acting talents were not exactly in demand for this one – but as a sexy female assassin. Her eyes literally sparkle in some of the shots (maybe it’s the drugs!) and she is fit as ever. In fact there is one – all to brief – scene in the movie where she rises from a hot bath, completely naked except for the tattoos and walks away from camera which will have all the fan boys playing with the pause and slo-mo buttons on their High-Def DVD players in a couple months…

If you think I’m kidding, check out this still image from the scene. Anyway – enough about her, what about the film? Well it’s pretty pointless drivel with no real plot or in-depth characters that a respectable postman couldn’t see through in ten minutes (twist? nah – not really) but that’s not really the point in the end because this movie is pure visceral fun.

There is a story of sorts hidded between the action scenes (Useless son discovers his father was some legendary assassin with mad skillz who went rogue and started killing the good guys and further that the son may have inherited the same capabilities himself, if only he can bend bullets and survive the training blah blah blah). Oh yeah and there was something about a whacky fruit-of-the-loom destiny bollox maguffin determining who should be killed which will completely piss you off until the action starts up again.

And the action in this movie is pretty fucking insane. Think Matrix bullet-time and frantic camera angles, now factor in bending bullets and fast cars, oh yeah of course Angelina in some cute outfits with some crazy ass weaponry and you’re getting close.

Overall it’s not going to win any awards and you will pretty much forget about it within a few hours of seeing it, but I have to say I still think it’s worth seeing just for the hell of it. The pumping hard rock tracks combined with the relentless action on screen and the sometimes awkward transition from clueless and oppressed office worker to uber-assassin for the central protagonist (James McEvoy) are just about enough to put a smile on your face during the movie, but not enough for you to give a crap once you leave the cinema. Morgan Freeman should have stuck to his supporting role in Batman because he is plain dreadful in this film, and as for the other actors there are none worth mentioning.

So – in summary, if I was going to do anything with this film I’d add in more Angelina, more nudity and, well, actually that’s it pretty much

Who needs plot anyway?

Technorati Tags: angelina jolie, assassin, bending bullets, james mcevoy, morgan freeman, wanted

I HAD HEARD some pretty great things about this movie before going to see it, and as superhero movies go it had a lot to live up to, but the good news is that Iron Man more than delivers and, with one exception, managed to hit all the right buttons as an origins story and the birth of a new Marvel franchise on screen.

For anyone who doesn’t know this already, Iron Man is the Marvel comic book hero invented back in 1963 who usually featured as a member of the Avengers superhero team and is one of the small number of superheros (like Batman for example) who rely on technology for their powers rather than any mutation orientated origin.

SusiQ even accompanied me to the cimena to see this one in action, a rare event in itself especially for any action orientated films, and she was bowled over by the film too… except for that one thing they just didn’t get right, but let’s talk about the good stuff first.

Robert Downey Jr is absolutely perfect as the titular Iron Man/Tony Stark. His origins story from uncaring weapons dealer to superhero is expertly handled, without being too mushy. His investment in the character of Tony Stark is all over the screen and the childish behaviour, inventor distractions and fledgling steps towards superhero are directed with humour and a great eye for pacing by John Favreau, the director.

Gwyneth Paltrow even turns in a sensitive performance as the ever faithful sidekick and assistant Pepper Potts and manages to convey an inner strength not usually found in female sidekicks for a superhero; they are usually too busy swooning to be noticed but she manages to pull it off.

The special effects and CGI jiggery pokery is extremely well handled with one exception, and I’ll come to that in a minute because it’s related to the overall single thing that I was dissappointed with in this film, but before we get there I feel a special mention is also deserved for the technology on display in this movie because it’s just about a generation ahead of where we are now, or at least as an audience member you buy into that concept because of the way it’s portrayed on the screen. Unlike the tech in Minority Report this stuff actually resembles current day offerings, albeit with a twist and a few upgrades. All in all it helps invest a level of confidence in what we are seeing on the screen and the CGI effects are seemless for the most part.

It helps of course that there are some wonderful scenes where humour is the key, especially when Tony Stark is learning to control his new found capabilities through a combination of trial and error and perhaps a bit of blind luck too. And as gushing reviews go this one needs to stop here because it’s at this point that we reach the one thing they got wrong with this film, and that’s the plot/ultimate baddie confrontation.

I won’t spoil it for you except to say this; it’s obvious and lazy. Worse still the actual confrontation between Iron Man and – well let’s just call him the baddie for now – is a completely over-the-top CGI mash up which is in stark (no pun intended) contrast to all previous engagements for the Iron Man character. It was completely unsatisfying and unnecessary too in my opinion as the same could have been achieved differently… but that’s another story for another time because I will not ruin the core plot for you here by getting in to the details.

Still, leaving aside that one big problem the rest of the movie was brilliant, and brilliantly executed. I do hope they make a sequel because I believe Robert Downey Jr has crafted an excellent Tony Stark/Iron Man character and all the foundations are there to build a very successful franchise out of this one. I would strongly recommend this film – so go see it in the cinema and experience it the way it was meant to be – up there on the big screen. I know I’ll certainly be collecting this puppy when it’s released on DVD and watching it again… and probably again too!

Technorati Tags: Gwyneth Paltrow, Iron Man, Iron Man Film, Ironman, John Favreau, Minority Report, Robert Downey, Tony Stark

THERE ARE MANY words and expressions I could use to describe this film; darkly funny, twisted, unsettling, poignant in parts obvious in others, outrageous, anti-American, politically incorrect, mad… but I have to admit having seen it yesterday and had time to reflect upon it overnight I think the one overwhelming thing that strikes me is the amazing resemblence that “In Bruges” has to “Father Ted” and the lads from Craggy Island.

Before I get into that I suppose I’d better do the usual summary for anyone out there (living under a rock) who doesn’t know about this film yet. The basic plot revolves around a couple of Irish hit men who have to cool their jets “In Bruges” and wait for further instructions after a hit goes terribly wrong. That’s not exactly everything that’s going on in the film, but it’s close. The plot is quite simple and the pretext is obvious, hell the ending is even obvious, but the fun is how we get there via the two central characters/hitmen in Ray (Colin Farrell) and Ken (Brendan Gleeson). It’s easy to assume the lads were just told to turn up, drink beer and shoot from the hip with this movie because the performances are so effortless, Irish to the core and great fun (especially the seemingly endless politically incorrect situations and conversations) and inevitably (it is irish after all) the film is a darkly comedic tale of retribution and redemption.

It’s the characters of Ken and Ray that make this film worth every cent/penny/dollar. The interaction between the younger, slightly simple but enthusuastic Ray and the older, wiser and worldly Ken are just a joy to behold. Let’s face it, any film with manky hookers, coke, midgets, irish lads on the lash, political incorrectness, gun play and blood is a winning combination!

But the one thing that sticks with me after the film is how close the relationship between Ken and Ray is to the – now legendary – relationship between Father Ted and Father Dougal on Craggy Island. If you don’t know what “Father Ted” is then you really have been living under a huge rock – it’s one of the most original, irreverent and funniest comedies to have come out of Ireland in the 1990s about the trials and tribulations of two catholic priests on a remote island off the cost of Ireland. It was hugely contentious because it was taking the piss out of the clergy, but it’s success rested on the performances of two central characters – Father Ted and Father Dougal – and you should go buy whatever DVDs or download whatever episodes you can because this is legendary comedy at it’s best.

So how the hell did I make the leap from “In Bruges” to “Father Ted”?…

When I consider “In Bruges” and strip away the persona and the situations in this film, the character of Ken is basically an unsure kid trapped inside an adult body, with the emotional maturity of an eight year old and the attention span of a slightly slow goldfish… but Colin Farrell nails this performance and no matter how outrageous it gets, it’s still fun to watch.

In other words Ray might as well be Father Dougal, even some of the facial expressions are the same, so much so that I wonder if he actually modelled his character on Dougal. That would be an interesting thing to discover via the ‘behind the scenes’ stuff on the eventual DVD I suppose.

And as for Brendan Gleeson – the hardest working supporting actor in the business – he turns in a fantastic performance as usual, but actually gets us to invest in his character and the decisions he has to make within the plotline. It’s here that the similarity to Craggy Island kicks in, it’s Father Ted all over again, well intentioned, slightly slippery, manacled to a younger apprentice who needs to have every thing explained to him and constantly looking for ways to keep things normal, to keep it all going along the way it should… which of course is impossible.

I suppose I could liken the character of “Harry” played by Ralph Fiennes to that of Bishop Len at a stretch, but I’m buggered if I can find a Father Jack reference… still I stick by my assertion that the way Farrell and Gleeson interact is pretty much exactly the way things went in Father Ted, which is not a bad thing to be honest.

This is a great film, not Oscar material and not without it’s challenges, but hell I don’t think I’ve laughed out loud as hard in a long time and if you like your comedy dark and your humour politically incorrect then this is the film for you.

One serious recommendation though.. go and see this in the cinema, preferably with some Irish friends if you can. Do not wait for this to hit the DVD shelves or see it for the first time on a download, because you will miss the sheer joy of the audience reaction in the cinema to the rapidly escalating situations and insanity.

Whether or not you see it again in the privacy of your own home is up to you, but I will certainly be adding this one to the DVD collection when it’s released.

The thing is… I wonder if it’s just me or did anyone else notice the similarity between “In Bruges” and “Father Ted”?

Technorati Tags: Belgium, Brendan Gleeson, coke, Colin Farrell, Craggy Island, Father Ted, hitmen, In Bruges, Irish, manky hookers, midget, Ralph Fiennes

I WAS WARNED before going to see this movie, but I still went anyway. It’s in my nature to make up my own mind about these things, and so off I trotted to the cinema to see the latest moster flick from producer J.J. Abrahms, simply called “Cloverfield”… and what a pile of shite it was.

The concept itself is not too shabby – it’s your basic monster attacking New York (why is it always New York?) as told by a group of average joes and janes who are just trying to survive. The kick is that it’s all done using a shaky-cam scenario (in other words, shot like a documentary… on the run… constantly fucking with your vision as a result), as seen by one of the central characters through a hand held camcorder.

The implementation of the movie isn’t that bad I suppose. CGI effects were OK, NYC getting it’s arse kicked by a large reptillian thingy was pretty cool – although it’s all been done before. The use of non-famous actors helped the audience to invest in the characters rather than having the distraction of a Tom Cruise-a-like approach but overall I have to say the movie was, well, shite.

Such an amount of hype surrounds this movie that I suppose it was always going to be an uphill battle to live up to it, however what really pisses me off about the film is that when I got to the end of it (and it’s a very short film folks) I was left feeling a combination of disappointed and unfilfilled.

The disappointment stems from the fact that nothing is explained in the movie. The origins of the monster, the reason for it’s attack, the response of the military… hell even the outcome is not explained. The whole thing just happens and then stops, and everyone in the cinema kind of shrugged for a bit, mumbled about it being a bit pointless and then left in an orderly fashion. 

The unfulfilled feeling is one of expectation, or rather the letdown of not meeting an expectation. Yes the marketing may be very viral and very clever. And yes, if you’re sad enough to sit through the 12 minutes of credits at the end you might hear the ‘help us’ plea in an audio track. And sure, the whole false-starts and misdirection tactic on the internet leading to all the hype must have been a hell of an effort on the part of the filmmakers… but ultimately what was the fucking point? The film doesn’t deliver. At all. It just follows a few partygoers as they get picked off one by one trying to escape NYC and then ends. Period. Don’t waste your time or money on this one folks.

As I said… CloverShite!

Technorati Tags: Cloverfield, Clovershite, Hype, Movie, New York, Tom Cruise, Viral Marketing

IT’S BEEN A FEW weeks or so since I managed to drag my ass to the cinema so I decided to pull together a quick film quiz for those of you who like this sort of thing.

The format is easy actually. The list of 10 lines below are somewhat famous “last lines” from films over the years; in other words they were the very last line or lines uttered before the film ended.

Can you guess the film titles from the last lines?

Now – I know some of you out there just automatically go to Google and search for pretty much everything, but try exercising those little brain cells of yours for a change and see how many you can get without having to resort to the all seeing all knowing search engines.

To answer, simply add a comment to this post and indicate each answer by it’s corresponding last line number. I’ll let you know if you are on the right track or not. Some are pretty easy (well I think so, but then I’m a bit of a movie buff) but others might present you with at least some sort of challenge.

Good luck!

1.  ”You finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!”
2. “Brothers!”
3. “I was cured all right.”
4. “You met me at a very stange time in my life.”
5. “I’ll be right here.”
6. “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”
7. “All right Mr. De Mille, I’m ready for my close up.”
8. “The, uh, stuff that dreams are made of.”
9. “Well, nobody’s perfect.”
10. “Cat, cat!”

Technorati Tags: Cinema, Famous Last Lines, Film, Google, Quiz

WHO SAYS the Germans don’t have a sense of humour? Well – probably Tom Cruise actually, considering his latest film venture has run into trouble with the German authorities, the kind of trouble that will prevent him from filming on location at various military sites around the country.

It’s all the fault of those whacky scientologists apparently, or at least that’s what the Germans would have you believe.

You see in Germany Scientology is seen as a bit of a cult. Well actually, it’s considered to be a cult masquerading as a religion in order to make money, and given that the Cruiser is one of the most public supporters of this alien-legacy-rebirth thing the Germans have decided to bail out on any support for his film.

Why you may ask?

More importantly… you might also ask what kind of film the Cruiser is working on which could evoke such a response from the Germans.

Care to guess? It’s actually kind of funny – although I’m not sure the Cruiser and his staff will be seeing the funny side of it at the moment. There’s a clue in the title of the post if you are really desperate to guess but before we get to the film, let’s deal with the reason the Germans gave for not supporting it.

In Germany, Scientology has been monitored  in the belief that its activities are “directed against the free democratic order” in the country, so basically this puts them on the wrong side of the law. Add to that the fact that the Cruiser’s latest flick is about the infamous attempt on Hitlers life - Cruise is to play Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, leader of the 1944 plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler using a bomb hidden in a briefcase – and you can see why they might be a bit iffy on the whole affair.

It’s a touchy enough subject without the Hollywood treatment and even though German stand-up comedians and sketch shows have dealt with the Hitler legacy quite effectively in recent years, it really is a goose step too far to consider what a Tom Cruise production will do with this story. I’m surprised he didn’t go for the role of Hitler actually.

Just think about it – even without all this alien-jiggery-pokery scientology stuff.  Somehow the thoughts of Tom sweating and grinning his way through such a film with his usual flair for non-acting just doesn’t fill me with anything other than dread. Then there is the inevitable attempt at a german-english accent to consider. Not to mention the drama…I mean how many explosions can you fit into a one-act gig? Tom ain’t exactly top drawer when it comes to serious subjects and I’m already picturing the close ups of his forehead as he does his best at conveying emotions through dripping hair folicles.

 Ugh… I’m getting shivers just thinking about it… and not in a good way.

Granted the Scientology angle sounds like a convenient excuse for the Bosch but I’m with them on this one. Do whatever it takes lads. If you want a decent film about hitler go talk to Bruno Gantz and be impressed, but don’t go anywhere near the Cruiser for this one. Please.

UNLESS YOU WERE born in the last few minutes, you already know what “Star Wars” is, and why it was so pivotal in the movie business. Actually – if you were born in the last few minutes you must be some sort of genius, so what the hell are you doing reading this? Go compose an opera or something useful.

For the rest of us however, Star Wars represents the most incredible vision and life long passion of a certain George Lucas. Personally I grew up with the original 3 movies (hated the re-worked versions!) and thought the new ones were ok, but not as good… but then that’s probably nostalgia talking. The point is that Star Wars is 30 years old.

30 years. That’s just hard to swallow sometimes. Damn that snuck up on me.

Anyway, Wired are running an excellent article entitled ‘Star Wars Rewired’ which you should go check out if you have any interest in the subject matter at all. It’s got articles dealing with the aftermath of making such a monster success on George Lucas, a clever diatribe on how Star Wars changed everything, articles on merchandising, Star Wars games, behind the scenes accounts; hell they’ve even got a piece on the cult status Carrie Fisher achieved in that metal bikini for fucks sake.

It’s a great read and worthy of some frivolous attention, so what are you waiting on? Get un-busy and go waste some quality time down memory lane with Han Solo, Leia, a nerf herder, some daft robots, Obi-Wan Kenobi, jawas, behind the scenes tit bits… you get the idea. 

Sure what else is the internet for if not diversions like this?

FANBOYS… COMMENCE DROOLING, for one of the whackiest cult movies of all time – Barbarella – has just got the green light to be remade by none other than Robert Rodriguez of From Dusk ‘Till Dawn, Desperado, El Mariachi, Sin City and Grindhouse fame.

I can’t even begin to imagine what a modern version of such a cult classic would look like, but given this directors track record that doesn’t surprise me either. I guess the only certainty is that it will be a hell of an original interpretation, one way or another!

For anyone who doesn’t know what a legend Barbarella is… well all you really need to know is that it starred Jane Fonda at the height of her astounding beauty in 1968, involved a zero gravity undressing scene as the opening credits rolled, contained a plot which consisted of  Fonda in (and out) of a litany of weird and skimpy/sexy costumes on a mission to bring ‘love’ to the galaxy.

Yes – I know you can almost taste the drugs from that description alone can’t you? Just roll with it. After all – it was the sixties. I’m not sure anyone knew what the hell they were doing when they made this film, but it still made it to cult status!

And it wasn’t even a porn movie. Well, not really.

And the good news doesn’t stop there…

Better yet, there is more news for film and TV nuts. The excellent Heroes TV show is to get a spinoff 6-episode show called “Origins” which explores the backstory and history of where these people with powers came from, and how they deal with their growing abilities. It’s a parallel deal, not directly linked to the main TV series but containing enough references and clues for fans of the show that it will no doubt be a great success. If you haven’t seen Heroes yet – go get it. Don’t think about it, just do it. You won’t be sorry.

And last but not least, my favourite sci-fi show Babylon 5 is to get some new content, after many many years off the air. A new made-for-DVD affair entitled “Babylon 5: Lost Tales” is due for release later this year. Essentially this DVD contains new stories from the B5 universe which the producers never got to make first time around, each story focused on an individual character from the original series. Personally I can’t wait to get my hands on this one… another one for that growing DVD collection. So if you’re a fan of this seminal sci-fi show like me I’m going to recommend you get your pre-order into play.com for this now.. I did!

UNLESS YOU’VE BEEN LIVING under a rock for the last couple of decades you will no doubt be aware of a seminal sci-fi series of movies concerning the end of the world as we know it, brought about by our own folly and dependency on machines and technology. I refer of course to the “Terminator” series, which basically charts the downfall of humanity and the rise of machines.

In the movies the system which we foolishly built to run global missile defence networks was called “Skynet”. The system also controlled unmanned aircraft and bombers. The only problem of course was that (in the movies you understand) the system became self aware, and decided that humanity was basically a threat to it. The resulting armageddon wiped the vast majority of humans off the face of the planet and enabled the machines to rise to dominance.

So – a successful piece of science fiction yes? Absolutely, but still it contained some central themes and warnings for the future – notably never give over control to machines. Unfortunately the armed forces of our wonderful planet don’t seem to have taken any notice, as more and more unmanned vehicles and devices are invented and deployed year on year.

Now however the situation has just got weirder… about as weird as you can get actually.

The latest development in this area really smacks of someone with either a sick sense of humour, or no social life whatsoever. The Brits have just announced their intention to deploy a fleet of airbourne unmanned gunships (known as MQ-9 Predator “Reapers”). The MQ-9 “Reaper” is the most formidable killer robot currently in operation. It’s a big beast, 36 feet long with an 86-foot wingspan. It can fly for 14 hours without refuelling, going at a maximum speed of 300mph and as high as 50,000 feet – nine and a half miles up. It’s not just the Brits who are deploying this beastie either, the USA are getting in on the act too. The US Air Force describes it as an “unmanned hunter/killer weapon system“. Any of this sounding familiar yet?

Worse still, these robot gunships are to be controlled by an IT system known as, you guessed it, “Skynet”.  Skynet 5 is the programme to update the UK’s military satellite communications capability for the British Ministry of Defence. This system is to provide the next generation of secure global military satellite communications system for the British.

So – either we have a very very twisted sense of humour in evidence from the British Ministery of Defence, or worse we have a case of life imitiating art (or movies to be precise) and we should all start hoarding canned food and get ready to head for the hills as soon as they hand over control to the Skynet system.

I wonder how long before they try to hook up some military grade robot warriors to the Skynet system? Actually, come to think of it, the loons in Singapore have already announced a competition to design and build an autonomous urban warfare robot, terminator style – so I guess it’s not that far away after all. The prize up for grabs for developing this urban cyborg is 1 million Singapore dollars – so you can bet a bunch of folks are going to try.

Hmm – let’s review….

Global defence system? Check.

Terminator style robots? Check.

Unmanned Hunter Killer flying machines? Check.

Idiots in control of the Military? Check.

Anyone else worried yet?