THE PLAN is badly executed, cynical and not worth your time or money…

I’m a huge Battlestar Galactica (BSG) fan, in particular the now infamous modern take on the series. Granted it had some dodgy moments, but overall it was (and remains) a wonderfully realistic and gritty take on a old sci-fi story with great twists and deep pockets when it came to special effects. I really enjoyed the series and even though I wasn’t particularly happy with the ending, I could deal with it. After all it had killer robots, babes, space-based dogfights, religious overtones, death and destruction and a continuing sense of menace each week. Still, all good things come to an end and the show finished over a year ago.

Since then I believe there is a movie and even a mini-series in the works, mostly due to the potential commercial opportunities to rake in some cash I’d imagine rather than any real artistic need to tell another BSG story, but out of the blue I came across this entity – Battlestar Galactica: The Plan, which proported to tell the entire series again, only this time from the Cylon perspective.

Interesting? Might be worth a look, I thought.

I was wrong; dead wrong. This is quite simply some of the worst shit I’ve seen cobbled together in a long time. There is no new insight or deeper understanding of what the Cylons were up to, no real difference in the story arc or plot that took place in the main series and certainly no reason for anyone to part with hard cash to watch it.

It’s a very cynical piece of exploitation, trying to cash in on the name and fame of the series and I strongly urge you to avoid it at all costs. There is nothing new here other than to re-tell the exact same story through the eyes of the “1″ series Cylon model, who promptly spends the 2 hours organising the other Cylon models to do whatever they can to kill off humanity right up to the point of the truce that breaks out between them. And that’s it. Honestly.

At the end of two hours I was left with an intense feeling of ‘so what’?, and if you manage to watch this you too will wonder why the hell you bothered. It’s a shame really because the series itself was fantastic for the most part. I hope the upcoming mini-series and movie don’t drive a bigger set of nails into the coffin… but I guess we will just have to wait and see on that score.

This really is  a cynical piece of commercial exploitation which fails to hit the target at almost every opportunity… avoid at all costs.

IT’S BEEN A LONG WAIT, but season 4 of that absolutely incredible sci-fi show Battlestar Galactica is nearly upon us again. April 4th is the launch date in the US for the last season of this epic space opera, so set your recorders on stun and get ready to enter into the biggest season yet. It’s generally well known at this point that the fleet will eventually find Earth during this season, but no one is letting the full plot out of the bag just yet.

The real question is ‘when’ apparently.

As in, when do they do finally find Earth, what year will it be? The past or the future? Maybe the middle ages or sometime in the not to distant 22nd century. It’s all up for grabs and that’s just one single plot point. There are may more to be resolved; the final / fifth Cylon has yet to be revealed, the real story behind Starbuck is still a mystery, the fate of Six and Baltar and so much more. I’m not going to be able to wait until this show makes it across the big pond here, probably to be screened by Sky One, so I guess I’ll be depending on my American cousins *cough* to tape it for me!

And, as if that wasn’t enough to look forward to, another favourite (and seminal) sci-fi show of mine is returning for it’s own fourth season on the same day over here in Europe. Doctor Who returns at 7pm on BBC that night to kick off another great season of thrills and spills, and this time includes cameos from all previous ‘companions’ from the first three seasons.

There is a strong rumour flying around that this will be the last season for the current ‘Doctor’, so I guess we are in for some regeneration at the end of this one… although I haven’t heard anything about a replacement as yet.

Judging from the teasers and pre-release info I’ve seen so far it looks like being a hell of season. I love the way this show mixes humour and pathos with the most outrageous villans and situations. It’s a glorious mix between outright camp and good solid science fact which hits the mark on almost every episode.

If you haven’t already done so check out Doctor Who website for more info.

THESE WELSH JEDI lot are a forward looking bunch; I’ll give them that at least. Whether you think they’re whackjobs or take them seriously the UK Church of Jedi actually exists, presumably as a subset of the Jedi Church itself, and most recently they have made the headlines because they selected a rather interesting place to build their latest church, not to mention forming a new Galactic nation state.  I refer of course to the story that some Welsh Jedis decided to create a space colony on the moon.

Yep. You read that right, on the moon!

Of course the first step in such an enterprise is to purchase some real estate, which they have in fact managed to do. Actually, they’re not just interested in buying the land (a one acre site apparently), they are also in the process of setting up a new Jedi nation up there as well. You see the moon is classed as being in ‘international waters’ (although I challange anyone to find water up there!) so legally speaking there is nothing to stop them forming their own galactic state up there.

The two brothers at the head of the UK Jedi Church organisation have gone ahead and set up a government, constitution and royal family of the sovereign state as well. The nation is called The Galactic States of Jediism and they have also nominated their own capital city on the moon called Testa City.

What beats me is how they can fit all this into one little acre of real estate… still it could set an interesting precedent if we ever manage to, you know, actually colonise the moon… although why anyone would want to at this point is a bit of a mystery to me.

Still, it’s not as weird as the next item, because quasi-religious sci-fi enthusiasts doing their thing on the moon is at least ‘out there’ somewhere, a possibility that might be a problem in the future sometime if we ever go back to the moon, where as this next item is closer to home but just as weird.

I reckon that setting up shop for the future Jedi nation on the Moon is not as far fetched as suing the Israeli government for not defending your homestead with laser weapons, which is exactly what residents of Sderot, a southern Israeli town, bordering Gaza, are are doing to their government for not using sci-fi style laser ray guns to protect them from Palestinian Kassam rocket fire. The argument seems to stem from the fact that such a defence is now ‘possible’ due to advances in technology (currently called “SkyGuard”), but because the government hasn’t seen fit to invest and deploy it they are now being dragged through the courts to defend their position by a class action from the residents.

Just when you think things can’t get any weirder on this planet (or the moon I suppose)… they do!

I’m not sure which is the whackier story this weekend. Jedi nations on the moon or laser defences being dragged through the courts in Israel. Either way – you have to admit it’s never dull around here.  I suppose all that remains to be said at this point is… may the force be with you, you crazy wingnuts!?!

UNLESS YOU WERE born in the last few minutes, you already know what “Star Wars” is, and why it was so pivotal in the movie business. Actually – if you were born in the last few minutes you must be some sort of genius, so what the hell are you doing reading this? Go compose an opera or something useful.

For the rest of us however, Star Wars represents the most incredible vision and life long passion of a certain George Lucas. Personally I grew up with the original 3 movies (hated the re-worked versions!) and thought the new ones were ok, but not as good… but then that’s probably nostalgia talking. The point is that Star Wars is 30 years old.

30 years. That’s just hard to swallow sometimes. Damn that snuck up on me.

Anyway, Wired are running an excellent article entitled ‘Star Wars Rewired’ which you should go check out if you have any interest in the subject matter at all. It’s got articles dealing with the aftermath of making such a monster success on George Lucas, a clever diatribe on how Star Wars changed everything, articles on merchandising, Star Wars games, behind the scenes accounts; hell they’ve even got a piece on the cult status Carrie Fisher achieved in that metal bikini for fucks sake.

It’s a great read and worthy of some frivolous attention, so what are you waiting on? Get un-busy and go waste some quality time down memory lane with Han Solo, Leia, a nerf herder, some daft robots, Obi-Wan Kenobi, jawas, behind the scenes tit bits… you get the idea. 

Sure what else is the internet for if not diversions like this?

FANBOYS… COMMENCE DROOLING, for one of the whackiest cult movies of all time – Barbarella – has just got the green light to be remade by none other than Robert Rodriguez of From Dusk ‘Till Dawn, Desperado, El Mariachi, Sin City and Grindhouse fame.

I can’t even begin to imagine what a modern version of such a cult classic would look like, but given this directors track record that doesn’t surprise me either. I guess the only certainty is that it will be a hell of an original interpretation, one way or another!

For anyone who doesn’t know what a legend Barbarella is… well all you really need to know is that it starred Jane Fonda at the height of her astounding beauty in 1968, involved a zero gravity undressing scene as the opening credits rolled, contained a plot which consisted of  Fonda in (and out) of a litany of weird and skimpy/sexy costumes on a mission to bring ‘love’ to the galaxy.

Yes – I know you can almost taste the drugs from that description alone can’t you? Just roll with it. After all – it was the sixties. I’m not sure anyone knew what the hell they were doing when they made this film, but it still made it to cult status!

And it wasn’t even a porn movie. Well, not really.

And the good news doesn’t stop there…

Better yet, there is more news for film and TV nuts. The excellent Heroes TV show is to get a spinoff 6-episode show called “Origins” which explores the backstory and history of where these people with powers came from, and how they deal with their growing abilities. It’s a parallel deal, not directly linked to the main TV series but containing enough references and clues for fans of the show that it will no doubt be a great success. If you haven’t seen Heroes yet – go get it. Don’t think about it, just do it. You won’t be sorry.

And last but not least, my favourite sci-fi show Babylon 5 is to get some new content, after many many years off the air. A new made-for-DVD affair entitled “Babylon 5: Lost Tales” is due for release later this year. Essentially this DVD contains new stories from the B5 universe which the producers never got to make first time around, each story focused on an individual character from the original series. Personally I can’t wait to get my hands on this one… another one for that growing DVD collection. So if you’re a fan of this seminal sci-fi show like me I’m going to recommend you get your pre-order into play.com for this now.. I did!

PEOPLE GO MISSING on the motorway, or at least they do in this far flung future driven episode from the current season of Doctor Who. This episode Gridlock (Episode 3, Season 3) refers to the endless traffic jam which people find themselves in – some travelling for decades on a motorway moving mere yards per day – all in the hopes of a better life outside the city of New New York. Anyone making it as far as the fast lane tends to dissappear, but no one knows why. Enter the Doctor and Martha on another sightseeing tour which goes wrong.

So then, how does this latest episode stand up and is the relationship between the Doctor and his new assistant working or not? Well in my humble opinion there are good, bad and ugly points about this episode.

First let’s deal with some of the “good” points. As a concept it wasn’t bad; the idea of generational gridlocks resonates loudly in our current conciousness as we all know what queuing on the motorways is like every morning heading for work, and I suppose every evening returning… but this concept takes it to a whole new level. I also like the twist in the tale, the reason for the gridlock itself which is not apparent from the episode until well into the third act. In this respect it turns your initial views on their head, which is always a good thing.

Better still is the developing relationship between the Doctor and Martha, and the trust which is beginning to build up between them. It’s nice to see some emotional depth to the character of the Doctor as he describes his lost homeworld to her in some detail.

However the outstanding piece of the episode for me is the empathy between the Doctor and the Face of Bo, and of course the revelation that the Doctor is ‘not alone’ leaving us with some tantalising options for another Timelord later in the series. It’s nice to see some continuity between previous episodes too (This is not the first time the Doctor has been to New New York or encountered the Face of Bo) and I like the way the writers are setting us up for future storylines with hints of what is to come. I guess as a standalone episode it’s not bad, but it certainly isn’t one of the better ones, however its saving grace is the various strings it pulls on an emotional level which saved it from being relegated to a cheesy and easily forgotten episode.

As for the “bad” points well there are a few right enough. For starters the pace of the episode is all wrong and frequently feels rushed. The characters are pretty weak as well, especially some of the travellers on the motorway. Worst of all is the use of the ‘things’ at the bottom of the fast lane. Without spoiling it for anyone who has yet to watch it, I will just say that as a plot device it was pretty weak, and given the central nature to the plot (e.g. people dissappear in the fast lane), when the payoff happens it doesn’t really live up to the setup and the presence of these things is never really explained, or dealt with in the final act to any degree of satisfaction.

Worse still (let’s go with “ugly” for now) was the character of Thomas Kincade Brannigan played by Ardal O’Hanlon (see photo inset). If you’re going to play a character in Doctor Who, then act like one for fucks sake. Apart from some makeup he sounded and behaved exactly like himself, which is to say annoyingly upbeat and unfunny. To then throw some pussy cats into the mix and refer to them as the ‘children’ – produced out of the union of a woman and a cat/man – was just a stretch too far. Really really sloppy stuff here and it just didn’t work.

Still – overall I enjoyed the episode, more from the perspective of the developing relationship between the two central protagonists than for the actual ‘plot’ itself. It was better than last weeks effort,  it had the right ‘feel’ to it and when the emotional stuff kicked in it worked, but the actual plot itself wasn’t fully realised and the story didn’t have a natural ending; it just felt too rushed. I’m getting the impression that there might be more to this episode somewhere on the cutting room floor, edited out during the post-production process to meet the 45 minute episode guideline. It seems that it’s not just people who go missing on the motorway, sometimes it’s the plot too!

Oh well – at least next week we are in for some Dalek action again – if the trailer is anything to judge by

I HAD HIGH HOPES for this latest Doctor Who episode based on the welcome return of Season 3 last week; a new season with a new face and something to look forward to each week by way of chaos and mayhem. This latest episode was entitled “The Shapespeare Code” (Episode 2, Season 3) and the plot (if you can call it that) revolved around nefarious creatures (witches to you and me) using the words of William Shakespeare from his missing play “Loves Labours Won” to open a portal of some kind which would enable more of their kind enter the realm of the Earth and rule over it for a milennium of blood. Or something like that anyway. Don’t you just hate those portal thingies?

Anyway long story short – there was one running gag used again and again during the episode which really wore thin after a while; that being ol’ Shakespeare wondering if he could use some nifty lines from the Doctor or Martha (like “Once more unto the breach” or “The play’s the thing“). Really really thin ice here folks; the writers should have spent more time on this one.

The realisation of London in 1599 was nice though; some decent CGI and a cute concept around the construction of the Globe theatre, although the witches makeup was really cheesy, but overall I felt the episode just didn’t deliver enough; by the end of it I couldn’t care less about the outcome. Anyone else see this episode and think the same?

Oh well, I suppose there have to be ‘filler’ episodes in any series, and this was certainly one of them as far as I’m concerned. Let’s hope next week is better.

DOCTOR WHO (Season 3, Episode 1: “Smith and Jones“) kicked off last night with a hospital sized bang on BBC and having just watched the episode I have to say it’s a welcome return for the show. It hasn’t lost any of the appeal and even the new change of face is working for me.

The Doctor is as manic and optimistic as ever, constantly embroiled within a bubble of chaos wherever he goes, and his new assistant “Martha Jones” looks like a decent character; strong, smart, sassy… just the sort of sidekick that makes this show great. As ever, the official Dr. Who site has loads of info on the episode with downloads, podcasts, behind the scenes etc., so if that’s what you’re into – head on over there and stock up.

The writing on this episode is as familiar and wonderful as ever; well paced setups with nice unexpected payoffs. I won’t give the plot away for any fans who have yet to see this show, but I will say that it will make you smile and most of all you will feel like you’ve come home to a familiar place with season 3. Same style, same pace, same excellent writing.

If it continues in this vein it looks like we are in for a fantastic year. Welcome back Doctor, we’ve missed you!

AS KILLING MACHINES go, “Six” (a.k.a Canadian actress Tricia Helfer) of Battlestar Galactica fame ain’t half bad on the eyes. In fact I’d go as far as to say I can’t think of a better looking killer cyborg. Ever. That shot on the left there is taken from her recent Playboy spread.

Still - eye candy alone will not be enough to save season 3 of the show, which has been flagging badly since the start of this season but has run into serious trouble based on the last three ‘filler’ episodes. Latest word from Ron Moore (the shows creator) is that everything is about to get back on track from the next episode (entitled “Malestrom”) forward. Fans are getting impatient so this Sunday’s airing of ‘Malestrom’ will be a deciding moment.

The rumour mill is also going into overdrive on the premise that one of the main characters is about to get killed off too, possible in this upcoming episode. To be honest I’ve been a fan of this show since the start, but lately it’s getting difficult to stay interested, so I’m hoping the show picks up speed and gets back on track soon.

Fans of the show might also like to know that two of the BattleStar Galactica (BSG) Babes are also appearing in the soon-to-be-released PC Game Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars.

“Six” (Tricia Helfer) and “Boomer” (Grace Park; pictured on the right) have taken supporting roles in the Full Motion Video (FMV) sequences of the game, due to be released at the end of this month (March 2007).  If you reckon you’re a fan of this show, then why not check out the BSG Trivia Quiz - there are four quizes ranging from simple to hard so plenty of options to suit all tastes.

Oh well – if BSG doesn’t get it’s collective shit together soon I’ll just have to depend on Heroes, which by the way is probably the best show on television at the moment. If you haven’t seen this yet – get it now and start watching. Trust me on this; it’s an excellently written and concieved show and the pace never lets up.

Oh yeah, while I think of it… if you’re looking for a good place to discuss either Battlestar Galactica or Heroes in Ireland, make sure you check out the Boards.ie forums for both. There’s a pretty active community there who regularly post comments and articles on many sci-fi shows actually.

Fingers crossed that “Malestrom” actually delivers the goods!

FOR ANYONE WHO watched the first two series of this 10th incarnation of Doctor Who, this is welcome news indeed. It’s a show that just seems to have gone from strength to strength.

The cliffhanger at the end of season 2 will be resolved in a special Christmas episode which has already been shot and is now in post production. This special stars Catherine Tate as a bride who finds her wedding day interrupted by an alien plot (involving Robot Santas of course!) to destroy the Earth has already been completed. This story will pick up exactly where season 2 ended.

However the big news is that Season 3 filming kicked off from August 10th and includes a new face in the cast (see picture). Joining David Tennant is newcomer Freema Agyeman, who will play medical student Martha Jones – and a fine looking medical student she is too!

Plot lines for series 3 include meeting William Shakespeare, dealing with blood sucking alien Plasmavores, running up against the Judoon – a clan of galactic stormtroopers and even matching wits against a sinister intelligence at work in 1930′s New York.

Sounds like series 3 will be just as good, if not better, than it’s predecessors. Cant wait