The “Viagra” Old Age Concept…

IS THIS what we all have to look forward to in 2040? Read more

This Is Why You Don’t Mess With A Pensioner!

EVER NOTICE when you visit the doctors office and you face off against some snotty receptionist, they always ask  why you are there, and you have to explain in front of others what’s wrong with you and sometimes it’s kind of embarrassing? Well then, you will love this… 

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk….

The receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”

“There’s something wrong with my dick,” he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and admonished him, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” he said.

The receptionist replied; “Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”

The man, obviously annoyed replied, “Well, you shouldn’t ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.”

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes?” Read more

Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns…

EVER WONDER what sort of advice columnists we men would make? 

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He’d carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the
ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila 

Dear Sheila

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburator float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter.

If It Has Tires Or Testicles…

OH HOW MANY times have I heard a sentance starting with those immortal words “The Trouble With Men Is That...”, but this time I received a little gem in my inbox from MaryMac which goes some way towards explaining the anti-male feeling out there.

After all – not everyone can be as lucky as us men!

Men are just happier people, but as SusiQ constantly tries to remind me,  what else can you expect from such simple creatures?  Still, the reasons we men are happy are many…

Our last name gets to stay put.  The garage is all ours.  So is the study. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.   We can never be pregnant.  We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.  We can wear NO shirt to a water park.  Car mechanics usually tell us the truth. There is no such thing as ‘too much’.

The world is our urinal (damn I love that expression).  We never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.  We don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.  We do the same work but get more pay.  Wrinkles add to our character.   

People never stare at our chest when we’re talking to them.  New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle our feet.  We have one mood all the time. We can read maps and figure out GPS locations to the nearest three metres (we just can’t fold the maps up properly afterwards!)

Our phone conversations can be over in 30 seconds flat.  We know stuff about tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.  We can open all our own jars (well, sometimes).  We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.  If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.

And it gets better… Read more