The Legal Christmas Greeting

I KNOW IT’S a bit early for this, but I couldn’t resist

Many thanks to SusiQ for sending this on. I guess even the legal profession deserve a christmas card every now and then, however I’m not sure I’d actually want to receive one from my solicitor if it’s anything like this…

From us (“the wishors”) to you (“hereinafter called the wishee”):

Please accept without obligation, explicit or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practice of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions.

Please also accept, under aforesaid waiver of obligation on your part, our best wishes for a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of this calendar year of the Common Era, but with due respect for the calendars of all cultures or sects, and for the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you acknowledge that: Read more

Weekend Legal Looney Tunes

I’VE NEVER HAD MUCH FAITH in the legal system, not just our own one here in Ireland, any legal system in fact. This is because once you step inside a courtroom the game (and make no mistake, it becomes a game from that point on) is no longer about justice, it’s about law. It’s about who knows more loopholes and legal mumbo jumbo – your lawyer or the other side’s shark.

You just have to hope that your shark is up to the task, because it doesn’t matter a damn whether you’re innocent or guilty, once the verdict is rendered that’s all anyone will remember. So, on to the point of this post then…

I noticed a few legal related stories this weekend that caught my attention and really just reinforced my view in the so-called legal system. Consider the first poor bastard in Texas who was executed last week because of a computer glitch. Well, that’s not entirely fair – let me clarify. His defence team were due to submit an appeal to delay his execution and allow further consideration, but unfortunatlely for them their computers fucked up and they couldn’t print out the appeal documentation in time… so the judge went ahead and the bugger got the lethal injection. Texas is not really a place I think I’ll ever want to go.

Then over in India Judges are being sent back to school, sort of. Aparently the quality of lower court judges is so iffy that when they render any judgements that are considered ‘questionable’ they get sentanced themselves, to 3 months law school again as a kind of refresher course. There doesn’t appear to be any mention of whether such rulings are still upheld, but I get the impression they are since the refresher courese are post-ruling, so to speak… so pity the poor sods who get those judges on their cases since no matter how iffy their rulings are, they are still upheld.

Still, even iffy rulings india are not as crazy as some other countries. Over in my favourite insane aslyum, Japan, a court recently had to deal with ‘gift rage’ (you heard it here first folks, add this one to road rage, air rage etc.). A disgruntled worker who gave his boss a box of sweets went nutso when he discovered his boss had not in fact opened said gift, so he pretty much demolished the office in his fit of pique and ended up in court for his troubles. Japan is about as weird as it gets on this planet – I know, I’ve been there - and I’m not sure I’d ever want to end up in a japanese court for anything. Read more